Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. Someone you know is struggling. We all can help. Here’s a free chapter from my book, Letters to My Friends in Pain (available on Amazon – https://a.co/d/15eEQfI). Reach out to someone today.
Call 988 (similar to 911) or online at www.988lifeline.org. NOTE: If you, or someone you know, is considering suicide, please reach out for help, which can be found by calling the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
To my friend who is thinking about suicide,
When you asked to meet, I didn’t know what to expect. You said, “I’ve been thinking seriously about suicide. Life has become too much pressure and offers too many choices and an overwhelming amount of stress and sadness that I’m not sure how to handle.” I cried. You cried. I was so taken with emotion I’m not sure exactly what we talked about in the rest of that conversation. But I can say I’m deeply thankful you reached out.
I’m heartbroken for you. Let me start with what I won’t do.
• I won’t tell you that your pain isn’t real. It is.
• I won’t tell you that I can fix everything. I can’t.
• I won’t tell you that faith in God makes pain and depression go away. That would be a lie.
Being a Christian does not make you immune to pain, despair, or depression any more than it makes you immune to disease or physical death.
Do Christians struggle with despair? Yes. Next time you open the Bible, read it for emotion. Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet. Paul admitted he was in despair. Depression is clear in many of the Psalms. Job was an emotional wreck, and rightly so.
It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to feel like you are at the end of your strength.
I want to gently remind you that you are loved and cared about. I want you to know that there is someone who will help you process your pain and discover that there is something greater in your life than pain. No matter how strong something inside of you is screaming that nobody cares, and nobody loves you, that’s just not true. There is someone who will listen. If you cannot think of one safe family member or friend who will listen right now, please call 988—the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
As a person who believes in Jesus, I want you to know that Jesus will always listen, but for now, I want you to have a real flesh and blood person to talk to. Isolation convinces us that no one listens, and no one cares. That’s just not true.
Here are a couple of verses in the Bible that really help me remember that I am not the only one to feel despair about life.
“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” —2 Corinthians 1:8-9
While I don’t think Paul is saying he was suicidal, I do think he was saying that he needed help from God to save his life. He said he despaired of life itself. The word despair means to completely fall apart, to lose it emotionally, or to be in difficulty, doubt, and embarrassment. I do find in this simple couple of verses the help and hope we need.
He felt great pressure far beyond his ability to endure. That probably sounds familiar to you. Suicide is tempting when…
• Our pain is high, and our strength is low.
• Our problems are big, and our hearts are empty.
• Life feels shaken beyond our capacity to handle.
• The troubles outweigh the good we had planned.
• The pressures outweigh our ability to endure.
• The despair outweighs the reasons to live.
• The troubles of the moment outweigh our strength in the moment.
• The consequences outweigh our ability to face them.
Suicide sometimes seems like the only way out of pain and is often about escaping pain. Suicide, more than not, is an escape from current pain (our problems) or future pain (consequences or pain that is coming). It’s a heavy juxtaposition in the mind, a wrong supposition that our only hope is to abandon hope and take our own life. There are several examples of this in the Bible, including Saul in the Old Testament and Judas in the New Testament.
Yes, suicide can be about ending pain. But it is also about taking control of something—pain—that we cannot control. I’m begging you to take control of your pain in a healthier way.
Here’s what I really want you to know:
It’s healthy to be honest enough with myself to admit to myself that I need to reach for help beyond myself.
It’s healthy to admit that I need help from outside of me. Do this as soon as possible. Sooner is better than later. It’s beneficial to come to the place where I admit that I do not have strength and that I need help from someone else, whether Jesus or another human being.
When you break it down, there are three aspects to this:
• A perspective—be completely honest with myself.
• A decision—to admit to myself.
• An action—I need to reach for help beyond myself.
There are some in the Christian community who imply, or even directly state, that you need help from God and that other people are not necessary. While I agree that help from Jesus is good, needed, and always available, help from another human being is necessary now.
Anyone who wants you to believe that to be a person of faith, it all must be between you and God and not involve doctors, therapists, counselors, pastors, friends, and family members is not giving you good advice. Whether the person’s intentions are good or not, telling someone who is considering suicide that they should pray, and trust God alone is not enough. Telling a person that you will pray for them and trust God for them is not enough.
Right now, if you are tempted to end your own life, you need compassion in human form. You need someone who will listen. You need someone to see and enter your pain, and advocate for your life, because you feel too empty to advocate for your own life. You need to reach out and open up to someone who can do what 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 is talking about—bring you back to life.
There’s nothing wrong with praying. I would encourage you to do that. In fact, if you have the strength, take out a paper and pen and write a note to Jesus right now. I think you will find it helpful. But if you don’t believe in God, or you don’t have the strength, I would encourage you to reach out to someone safe. Someone who will walk with you and advocate for you.
If you are still thinking of suicide, I want you to know:
1. There is someone who cares.
Someone with real flesh and blood in your life who cares enough to hold onto your life and not let go. Someone who will stay with you until you get the help you need. Someone who will reach out for help on your behalf if you cannot reach out yourself. Someone who will make a life-and-death difference.
2. There is someone whose primary skill is listening who can help.
I am talking about counselors and therapists. They have training and tools to help. If you need someone right now, and there is nowhere else to turn, walk into an emergency room. Help will be made available. Therapists can help you develop a safety plan and give you tools and training with healthy coping mechanisms. They will listen and provide comfort. They will help you develop a plan for safety rather than a plan for death. They will help you understand your feelings, find beauty, and develop strength. They will help you learn healthy coping skills so that you have options when life is overwhelming.
3. There is someone who can help you embrace your beautiful but broken life.
Yes, our lives are broken. Sometimes, life is brutal. But that does not mean that your life isn’t beautiful. You matter. Your life matters. And despite all the pain you feel right now, your life can be beautiful again.
At some level, I’m going to suggest that Jesus can do all these. Jesus is full of compassion, and I believe that Jesus sees suicide and thoughts of suicide as a tragedy. Jesus always cares. Jesus will always listen. Jesus will strengthen you. Jesus will help you cope. Jesus will help you embrace your broken but beautiful life. Yes, Jesus is the giver and restorer of life. Jesus can bring us back to the idea of living rather than dying. Jesus stands lovingly, compassionately, willingly able to help. But, right now, I want you to have flesh and blood people in the here and now who can do that for you.
So, right now, I want you to reach out to someone who stands ready to help.
I would caution any church that would say, “a person should rely on God alone for help.” We are never told in the Bible that relying on God means never relying on other human beings. Rather, we are told that we are created for community, that we are to love one another, comfort one another, and encourage one another. Biblically, the bottom line is we need each other in times where when life is overwhelming.
Pain sucks, but you’re not alone. Many of us are here to help.
Your life matters,
Pastor Brian
P.S. Here are some questions everyone wonders about suicide but are afraid to ask.
1. Is suicide a sin?
This is a very common but difficult question. As hard as it is to think about, suicide is murder. Self-murder.
2. Is suicide forgivable? Is it unpardonable? Does suicide mean a person is not a Christian?
This is just like asking, “Is sin forgivable?” Yes. Absolutely. It’s why Jesus died. Is it pardonable? Absolutely. Is it hard for us to work through forgiveness when someone we love commits suicide because there’s a lot of pain involved? Yes. No doubt. But is suicide forgivable? Yes.
3. What does God think of suicide?
Just as I wrote in this letter, I believe that God will always see suicide as a tragedy. Jesus is compassionate. The enemy longs for death, but Jesus is the giver and restorer of life. Jesus roots for life. Jesus brings life. Jesus will always bring compassion, grace, truth, love, life, and His Spirit to any sinner who reaches out for help. He is the way, the truth, and the life.
A Prayer for You:
Dear Jesus, Thank you that you are with me. I’m asking right now, as clearly as I can, that you bring me back to life, back to living, and back to the strength to go on. Let me see that there is hope. Whatever it is that I want to escape, help me see that escape is not the answer. Please give me the strength to reach out to someone right now. To another human being. Put their name in my head. Please use them to save my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.