Can I let you in on a secret?
If you ask most of us how we are doing with pain, the likely answer is “not well.” We’re pretty good at keeping our suffering hidden, especially in the Church.
Here’s the truth: Life does not give us a choice between pain or no pain. The choice we have is pity or perseverance.
Let’s think about what’s normal.
When we are in pain, we want the fastest way out of it. We choose escape.
Those escapes are often not healthy, or at least represent something that could be good but is out of control in our lives.
To justify our escapes, we sell ourselves lies to make us feel better. Trapped by our escapes and illusions, we often feel stuck, and we refuse healthy choices that confront our pain. Sound familiar yet?
Feeling stuck in pain, lies, and just plain lack of inertia, we often pull back from those we love and need the most. We choose to hide our pain, leaving us with a feeling that no one understands.
Feeling deeply alone, we determine we can’t rely on others for help, and we pursue a way out relying only on our own strength . . . which quickly runs dry, leaving us feeling even more alone and even more pain.
Escape. Lies. Stuck. Alone. Self-sufficient.
This is exactly how addiction is born and blossoms in our life. With enough trips around the sun, we lose hope, driving us deeper into the desire for escape. This cycle is normal for most people. I call it The Pity Vortex in a book I wrote called Letters to My Friends in Pain.
There has to be a better way to live. Pain makes some of us refuse to believe there is a God. For others, our pain makes us believe that God must not care. Our pain can drive us away from belief in God or our pain can act as a personal Uber driver to drop us at Jesus’ doorstep.
Here’s a bit of the model I work from:
Every single day of my life is a choice between pity and perseverance. I build my life on the best foundation when I lean into my identity as God’s loved child. My perspective about life is healthier when I lean into the goodness Jesus provides even while I’m in pain. I’m stronger when leaning on Jesus rather than leaning on myself. I’m more resilient in the connectedness of community. And I’m mentally tougher when I’m moving forward in healthy ways.
I think I forgot to mention. This isn’t theoretical for me.
Eight years ago, I nearly lost my ability to walk. And for the last 2 years, I’ve lived with a chronic headache that varies in intensity but will not go away. Pain, of course, is more than physical, but my pain has been a constant companion for the last few years. Yet there is a path to hope, strength, and perseverance. I’m not the point. Jesus is.
In Letters to My Friends in Pain, I’ll take us on a journey through five shifts to our mindset that determine the difference between pity and perseverance. It’s a journey I would love for you to take with me and some of my friends in pain. I’m not promising I can remove the pain in your life, but I am pointing us to the One who will one day end pain, suffering, sin, grief, and death – forever.
You are not alone,
Brian
https://substack.com/@myfriendsinpain
https://a.co/d/dcRRMbJ – purchase on Amazon